hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize