i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
