My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
