Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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