So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
