i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well I just put wine in my tea
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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