every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
