I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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