My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
