I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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