Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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