he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I want to be your penis for a week.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
