he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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