You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
