you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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