My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
