I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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