Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
