does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
