Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
