Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
