Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
