Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
