thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you win again, gameday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
