please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
