It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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