when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
