i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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