"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
smell my finger.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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