ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
