Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
