I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
