I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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