Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
