Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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