Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
