he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
did i just pee glitter
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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