Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
