What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
