FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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