You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
