Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
