Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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