You smell like a Billy Joel song
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
