If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
