There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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