dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
