I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
