Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
