Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
