He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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