I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
