I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
