i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
